English is the answer.

I really don't understand how people able to talk to one another in English so well. Indeed, I start to feel pressurized when there is a need for me to speak in English. I don't know how Grammar actually work, and I really understand how limit my vocabulary is. If you are close to me enough, you will realised that I am using the same old words again and again and again. Ohgosh.

People always tell me to read more. Reading does improve language; I ought to agree with that and I totally encouraged people to read more. I remembered when I was young, I love to read. Of course I was reading those princess and prince stories. Unlike the younger parents now, my mum never force me to read. Okay, that is good thing when I was young, because I can simply fool around whenever I am free. However not now. I felt so inferior when I need to communicate in English. Sigh. I am not pushing the blame to my mum, I was just trying to explain what led to my lousy English. Anyway, reading is kinda a torture to me. Words, words, and still words. Millions of words, they seemed to know me, but I've totally no idea who are they. It feels so suckish. I swear. And even I read, I took thousand years to finish. I know this is a bit exaggerating. I was trying to bring out a drama scene. *insert some imaginations* Poor thing. ):

Anyway, I was talking about the pressure I feel when there is a need for me to speak in English, so let's go back to this. I always have a dread feeling during presentation.

"WHAT IF THE GRAMMAR I USED WAS WRONG?"
"WHAT IF I MISPRONOUNCE THE WORDS?"
"HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO ANSWER MY CLASSMATES OR TEACHER IN A GOOD ENGLISH WHEN THEY ASK ME QUESTION?"

This is what is wrong with people. Most people which included me hate people laughed at their mistakes, and that is why I never improve much. No mistakes corrected = nothing is learnt. Sigh. I have to admit that when people laughed at my mistakes, my self esteem plunged down traumatically. Those crazy thoughts are running through my mind.

I still remembered my first quarrel with V was also about English. That time we were only Secondary one or two. (We haven't got together.) I used to hate him when I was in lower Secondary because he wasa childish. HAHAHAHA I am so sorry, when people hate someone, everything that he/she did is irritating. I commented on his status on Facebook because I wasn't really happy about what he said. In the end, we became keyboard warriors; quarreling non-stop. He knew my english isn't as good as him, and he totally can see that my weakness in English, so he made use of it and insulted me. He won. The most memorable sentence he said: "If you fail your English, you will be ended up in ITE. How sad. Even you did better than me in other subjects so what? You failed your English, you are out." Fuck him right. I don't mean it. (Please don't angry with me, Dear. :D) From that day onward I hate him to core. *HARDCORE HATER FOR VICTOR* LOL. Kidding. Until now, he is still correcting my English. Still, sometimes led to big fight. *laughed*

One of New Year Resolution is to achieve a better standard for my English. But how seriously. A few ideas in my mind:

IMPROVE MY GRAMMAR
IMPROVE MY PROUNCIATION
IMPROVE MY VOCABULARY

But seriously, how am I going to survive in Polytechnic? Students in Polytechnic all talk in English. *dying* I am imagining everyone is school correcting my English mistakes. Nonono.I don't want. What makes it worse, taking Business courses means a lot of presentations. I need to do plenty of preparations like correcting my grammar, changing my vobulary and read again to see what will go wrong to my pronounication. Busy business woman. T.T

So, if there is any part of my blog sound weird, please forgive and teach me how to improve.

Somehow someone out there will be hoping that himself would be able to speak good chinese and maybe he is hoping to be me. laughs